How to stop being jealous of your husband for your ex-wife
Jealousy is a heavy, corrosive feeling that loving people have for each other. It infects all organs and gradually eats our body and soul, leaving no clean pieces. How to get rid of this scourge, are there any special techniques to heal from jealousy and begin to trust your loved one?
What is jealousy
This is one of the strongest emotions that we feel for loved ones. Often the lack of jealousy is interpreted as the absence of love. And the abundance of this feeling is perceived as all-consuming love.
When we are jealous, we are afraid of losing a person. Jealousy can not be attributed to distrust. Rather, it is a lack of self-confidence and own forces to keep the other half close to you, fear of being alone, and another woman will take your place.
You have the right to be jealous of a partner if some changes have appeared in your life together. Husband comes home from work later than usual, and sometimes early in the morning, speaking out important negotiations.With the appearance of evidence of his infidelity (lipstick on the shirt, the smell of women's perfume from clothes), the feeling of jealousy is intensified. You have the right to make a scandal and find out the reason, demand an explanation. In the end, this will lead either to the complete destruction of relations (divorce), or to reconciliation with promises of further loyalty.
Will you only have confidence in the person who has already changed you?
Reasonable jealousy is manifested in a situation where the husband, when you are, flirts with other girls. He may have several motives for this: bad manners, resentment at you (the goal is to annoy), testing of your feelings towards him, lack of wit (did not think that you would be insulted). In any case, such behavior does not justify it and you have the right to file a claim against him.
This emotion is often unfounded. You uncontrollably check your partner's things, sniff out clothes, look out for spots, read your husband's sms and go to his social network page. You are thinking that he has another life parallel to you. But the fact that the person is with you already says the opposite.
You are jealous of a loved one to people with whom he was once close: ex-wife, children, girlfriends. Some manage to show aggression even to the mother of their second half, saying:
“You spend more time with your mother than with me.” Who do you love more: her or me? ”
You can not compare these 2 different concepts like a wife and mother. Be prudent. And if you still experience negative emotions, then keep them with you.
However, do not let your husband manipulate you and give yourself offense, everything should be in moderation.
Causes of jealousy
To stop jealous of the husband to the past, understand the reasons for this attitude towards him. Behavior in everyday life is determined by past situations, and the occurrence of jealousy is determined by the following reasons:
- Mistrust. It can arise if the husband before marriage had an innumerable number of sexual partners. The woman gets the impression that the character of her second half has not changed, and he is still the same "dog" as he was. It seems to him that he peeps at every skirt and presents himself in bed with others.
- Diffidence. Not every child in childhood gets enough attention. If one of the parents was absent, in particular, the father, then in the adult life the woman will always lack the male attention.And if for a short period of time the husband stops communicating with his wife (the reason is unimportant: work, meeting with friends, going to the store), the woman perceives it painfully.
- Sex dissatisfaction. Many couples are caught in sexual manifestations. They are embarrassed to confess to each other their secret fantasies, which they periodically embody in their heads, and in life they are afraid to tell a partner about it. Some individuals have laziness or unwillingness to make a pleasant partner. Others limit themselves to all sorts of taboos that society imposes.
- The woman pays little attention to her husband. This usually happens when small children are at home. The wife physically does not have time to devote time to her husband, as she is busy with household chores and childcare. Therefore, she becomes jealous. In her mind there is an opinion that the husband is looking for comfort on the side.
- Communication partner in social networks with the opposite sex. This habit occurs when there is insufficient communication in real life. He tries to fill it in correspondence in a social network, at the same time courtesy and showing positive emotions to the opposite sex.In this case, the man does not think at all that such behavior can offend his wife.
- Unstable relationship. Relationship instability takes place in the initial stages of life together, when partners are lapped up, they get used to everyday issues, and they solve joint problems.
Communication problems. Often, partners do not want to hear each other, do not delve into each other’s problems, thereby creating misunderstanding. To understand each other, you need to talk.
- Defensive reaction. Jealousy acts as a red herring. The principle: "while I am jealous, I am above suspicion."
- Influence of society. In Russia there is a winged expression: "beats, it means, likes" or "is jealous, means, likes". Therefore, to maintain the image of a loving person, some partners resort to this strange method of influence.
How to stop jealous
When meeting an adult man, you, of course, guess that he has a past life. It can be both friends and wife with children. But after a while, a jealous feeling for the people he once loved appears in your heart.Now you have wondered how to stop being jealous of your husband for your ex-wife.
If your husband has children with his ex-wife, their communication is the norm. Husband communicates with children from his first marriage, gives them gifts, gives money for maintenance.
This characterizes it only on the positive side. Jealousy in this case is inappropriate.
Periodically, your man communicates with his ex-wife in order to find out the moments in raising a child or agree on the next meeting of a father and child. And you have a burning feeling of jealousy, it seems to you that the husband pays more attention to the child and to the woman with whom he once lived.
But in the end he chose you, you are married, live a happy life. He has the right to decide how much time he spends in the first family. And the recriminations and claims against him will aggravate the situation. Quarrels will lead to divorce and frustration in you as a woman.
Even if your family has a common child, this does not mean that he should come first.
For a husband, all children are equal, he loves them equally, so it will be a mistake to forbid seeing them. You do not want to hurt the person you love.
You are worried that your husband will want to return his ex-wife.Yes, and the time he spends on visiting the old family you feel sorry, because you could spend it together, go to the park or cafe, cinema. But instead you get a charge of anger and hatred for the past, it destroys not only the psychological state, but also family life and relationships with her husband.
To build a relationship with your ex-wife, talk to her and ask the children to make friends. Then the husband will be able to bring them into his house so that they play together. And you will cease to be jealous of him because of the regular trips to her home.
More often such thoughts are far-fetched, you wind yourself up, so the best solution would be to talk with the other half. Find out the moments that interest you, tell honestly about your feelings and emotions.
The choice of a man fell on you, so you have nothing to worry about. It is better to make your relationship harmony, otherwise jealousy will destroy them completely. A husband really decides that the first wife is still better than you, because she can not stand the brain on trifles. His meetings with the child rather talk about his responsible attitude, love and decency, and not about the fact that he is a lover hero.
Another option - to talk with this woman face to face. By her behavior it will become clear how she treats your chosen one, if she has any feelings for him, or maybe she has already met another man with whom she is happy. Sometimes it happens that the former and current wives become friends.
Self-doubt can be the main cause of jealousy. You see that his ex looks more attractive than you. Instead of destructive emotions, take care of yourself, show your husband that you are not beautiful.
Do not neglect meeting with a good psychologist if you cannot cope with yourself at all. If nothing is done and leave life in this vein, it will lead to a rupture of relations. The family psychologist who conducts sessions with couples will help in your case. If the husband agrees to visit him, it will positively affect the relationship between you.
- Women - lovers delve into the things of her husband, phone, correspondence in social networks. As they say, "he who seeks will always find." Psychologists are advised not to look deliberately for jealousy. If the husband does not submit them, then why seek out what is not? Instead, cultivate yourself, find a hobby, so as not to suffer nonsense.
- Give freedom to communicate to her husband.Each person chooses their own environment. Constant monitoring will eventually lead to the destruction of the family, and the husband will leave you.
- If you are full of self-doubt, love yourself for who you are. But do not forget to improve yourself. Eat right, go in for sports, read educational books. Then over time, self-esteem will rise, and jealousy will go away by itself.
- Look for only positive things in the world around you. Find a hobby for the soul, communicate with good people. Exclude from the environment rough and uncouth personalities, after communication with whom you feel lost, empty. These are psychological vampires, they drink your energy to replenish their own supply. If you are visited by a negative thought about the second half, learn to change the negative to positive. Remember the pleasant moments that the husband gave and continues to give. Become the woman he fell in love with, stop being an “old grumbler”. Believe me, it does not paint you.
- To save the family, stop being jealous of your husband.
Understand that love is trust, respect. And jealousy is a manifestation of aggression and possessiveness.
Jealousy is an offensive feeling for a person. Stop insulting your husband with this behavior, trust and love him, and most importantly, value yourself.
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