Funny Wet Farts Fail People Farting Exploding Diarrhea Pranks In Elevators Videos Walmart Gone Wrong
I Refuse to Poop or Fart In Front of My Partner
I've known my husband for nine years. We've been married for seven years, and prior to that we dated and lived together for two years. Yet he hasneverseen me pee. And he has certainly not seen me poop. I don't even think heknowsI poop! And I plan to keep it that way as long as possible.
My husband has seen me give birth twice and has witnessed the wreck that is the post-birth aftermath. I was adamant that my husband not even kind of look "down there" when our sons were being born, but he ignored me and watched the whole thing, so I made him promise not to tell me if I pooped during labor.
Ironically, having kids has made memoreclosed off about discussing our bodily functions. Many of my friends with kids say children broke down that barrier, but I feel the exact opposite — dealing with diapers, butt-wiping, and general kid grossness has pushed me over the edge. I'm already knee-deep in someone else's shit and don't want to add my husband's to it.
Maybe it's the way I was raised. Maybe it's that I find bodily fluids disgusting. Maybe it's that I like having some control over my image and how my husband perceives me. Maybe I'm saving up all my tolerance for when we're too old to care for ourselves, and we have to wear diapers — but for now, I'll have none of it. I just think some things are better left unseen and unsaid. It's definitely more my hang-up than his, although I doubt he dreams of seeing me take a piss.
Bathrooms are sanctuaries for secrets that make it so humans are able to view one another as sexually attractive beings. I just don't understand couples who choose to give away that personal privacy. For some reason — a reason I can't conceive of — some couples don't see it as an obscene thing, but thankfully I married a man who agrees that pooping or farting isn't something to talk about or watch. There's more than enough shit to discuss without talking about our actual shit!
I should also add that I'm a bit of a girly-girl, that I don't want to be associated with bodily functions. I like manners and decorum. I want to be romanced and wooed. And I seriously do not want to hear about farts or poop from the person who is wooing me.
Life is just better when you don't have unsightly visuals about the person you'resupposedto be sexually attracted to. Even if, on the occasion that illness or — god forbid — a tampon gets stuck inside you during your honeymoon in Italy (true story) necessitates a breach of protocol, couples should typically maintain a certaindignityabout their bodily functions.
So, if you're the type of couple who takes photos of your poop and texts them to your hubby (I know actual, real, true people who do this), more power to you, but I'd prefer to think of my husband as a person whose bodily waste turns into purified air and disappears without any gassy smells attached.
As for me, a ladyneverfarts.
Video: Dumb and Dumber - Toilet Scene
How to Get the Girl You Like
So Botox Comes From Ireland, Plus 5 Other Fascinating Irish Beauty Facts
How to Survive Being a Teen
Oliver Stone on W. biopic and how Bush compares to Trump
The Museum at FIT Presents Fashion, A-Z, Part Two
Tanya Burr’s Star Vlogger Book Decoded
Your Heart and How It Works
Health News You Can Use
How to Make Hash Brown Egg Nests
How to Treat Dandruff on Your Dog
How to Know when Not to Use Email
How to Reduce Body Heat
How to Make Vaporwave
Testosterone replacement therapy - a remedy for my fatigue