Why parents should not quarrel with children?
Quarrels and finding out the relationship for many are an integral part of family life. But if the scandals occur in front of the child, then it can harm him greatly. And why not quarrel with children? What can this lead to?
For what reasons do not need to swear at the child?
Why not quarrel with children? There are several reasons for this:
- Mental problems. The psyche of the child is unstable, so any impact on it can affect its formation and development. As a result, the child can grow up a real neurotic, or even get a serious psychological trauma. But such a seemingly harmless childhood trauma in the future may lead to the development of dangerous qualities. Some children who have watched their parents quarrel become very aggressive in the future and take the wrong and dangerous path.
- Depressed emotional state. What can feel the baby, who often witnesses quarrels between parents? Fear, resentment, helplessness, hopelessness, in general, only negative emotions.And if they prevail over positive ones, then the child can simply stop enjoying life and enjoy a full and carefree childhood.
- Behavior problems If parents shout and argue, then the child will certainly think that he can also behave in the same way: raise his voice, insult, disobey.
- Problems with studies. Frequent scandals will necessarily distract the child from the classes and interfere with the correct and fully absorb the school curriculum and the material being studied.
- Guilt. A child may think that parents are arguing over him, which, by the way, is quite common. And the constant feeling of guilt can lead to the development of complexes or even to deep depression. As a result, the child may want to leave home or even commit suicide so that father and mother live peacefully and do not swear anymore.
- Problems in personal or family life or in relationships with the opposite sex in the future. If the child will often and even more constantly see his parents cussing, then gradually he will start to think that such behavior is quite normal. After all, if dad and mom do this (that is, adults and authoritative personalities for the children), then this is correct.And in the future, a matured son or daughter will also allow themselves to raise their voices and insults.
- Fear. If mom and dad are literally yelling, are in anger and say bad words, then a small child can simply be afraid of them. And it is worth remembering that the children's psyche has not yet been formed, so that such a negative and frightening image of one of the parents can be imprinted in the memory and leave a trace in the psyche that in the future will lead to serious problems. In addition, the baby may begin to think that since dad and mom often swear, they are going to get a divorce, and such thoughts are also frightening and dangerous.
- Hatred of one of the parents. If one spouse behaves more arrogantly during quarrels, while the other often takes the position of the victim (both unwittingly and intentionally), then the kid may think that the weaker side needs support. But the other opponent will gradually begin to cause negative emotions, which can eventually develop into real hatred. Many children for this reason cease to love their fathers (because often they are perceived as offenders).
- Hatred of a particular gender.If the child takes the side of one of the parents, then the other one will be perceived very negatively. And such emotions can be projected literally on all members of a particular gender, which in the future will affect behavior and life in general.
- Frequent illness. Yes, constant tension and depressed emotional state can lead to a decrease in immunity. As a result, the child will often and strongly hurt.
How to sort things out?
So, how to quarrel with children and do it right? Of course, it is better not to make trouble at all, but still, misunderstandings, disputes, solving problems and clarifying relations are possible and even practically inevitable. But how to make the child do not suffer?
A few simple rules:
- Try not to raise your voice. If you want to convey something important to your spouse and express your negative emotions, you can change the timbre, tone or intonation, the volume should increase slightly.
- Try to stay calm so as not to look like a furious fury and not to frighten the baby. If you are in a wild rage or in a very excited state, then it is better to postpone the conversation with your other half, even if you really want to say everything right now.It is worth a little "cool down", calm down, come to your senses and think about everything with a sober and fresh head, and then try to solve the problems.
- Do not allow yourself to utter obscene and offensive words, learn to express thoughts with a literary language and normal words.
- If there are any disagreements, try to eliminate them at a time when the child is not at home (for example, he is in kindergarten or school).
- Solve problems as they arrive, otherwise they will accumulate, like a snowball, and then quarrel will not be avoided.
- Under no circumstances should you attract a child to a quarrel and especially do not force him to occupy someone's side!
- If you had to sort things out with a child, never use it as an argument in a dispute and do not raise the topic of parting (even if you think about it seriously).
What if a quarrel has already occurred?
What if the child still became an involuntary witness of a quarrel? First of all, apologize to the child for your excessive emotionality and assure him that you have already calmed down. Say that many people quarrel, unfortunately, but this does not mean that they do not like each other.
Assure the kid that you are not planning a divorce, and he is not to blame for the scandal that happened. And promise the child that you will try to continue to restrain their emotions.
We can only wish for patience and happiness in family life!
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